Billy Joel Opens Up About His Darkest Moments: Suicide Attempts, Heartbreak, and Redemption
Billy Joel, the iconic singer-songwriter behind timeless hits like “Piano Man” and “Vienna,” is baring his soul like never before in his new documentary Billy Joel: And So It Goes. Premiering the first part at the Tribeca Festival in New York City on June 4, the 76-year-old legend reveals some deeply personal struggles that shaped his life and music — including two suicide attempts, heartbreak, and the turbulent consequences of a love affair that shook his world.
A Turbulent Beginning: Friendship, Love, and Betrayal
Back in his early 20s, before he was the household name we know today, Billy Joel was part of a band called Attila. It was a close-knit group, but perhaps the closest bond was between Joel and his best friend Jon Small, the band’s drummer. Joel even moved into Jon’s home, sharing the space with Jon’s wife Elizabeth Weber and their young son.
Things started out normal, but as Joel candidly shares in the documentary, “It was a slow build.” Over time, he and Elizabeth grew closer, and an intense emotional connection formed — one that would ultimately devastate friendships and change lives forever.
Billy admits, “I was in love with a woman who was married to my best friend.” This wasn’t just a fling; it was a love triangle that ripped through his personal and professional life. When Jon found out, Joel came clean with him, confessing the painful truth.
Jon Small’s reaction was raw and real. The friendship dissolved in the fallout, and tensions ran high. Joel remembers the emotional aftermath: “I felt very guilty. They had a child. I felt like a homewrecker. I got punched in the nose, which I deserved. Jon was very upset. I was very upset.”
This wasn’t just a personal crisis — it spelled the end for Attila. The band broke up, and Joel’s life spiraled soon after.
The Spiral Into Darkness: Drinking, Depression, and Desperation
Following the breakup and betrayal, Joel’s life took a dark turn. Elizabeth left the picture, and Joel began struggling profoundly with loneliness and despair.
In his own words from the documentary, “I had no place to live. I was sleeping in laundromats. I was depressed, I think to the point of almost being psychotic.” The pain was overwhelming, and Joel felt trapped in a cycle of hopelessness. “I figured, ‘That’s it. I don’t want to live anymore.’”
What makes this story so compelling — and heartbreaking — is Joel’s raw honesty about those suicidal thoughts. He says, “I was in a lot of pain. It was sort of like, why hang out? Tomorrow is going to be just like today, and today sucks. So I just thought I’d end it all.”
Two Suicide Attempts and a Coma: How Close Was Billy Joel to Losing It All?
During this period of extreme vulnerability, Joel’s sister Judy Molinari, who worked as a medical assistant, stepped in to help. She gave him sleeping pills to calm his restless mind. But instead of easing his pain, things took a horrifying turn.
Joel made a drastic decision: he took all the pills at once. The result? He slipped into a coma — lasting days on end.
Judy recalls the terrifying experience: “I went to see him in the hospital, and he was laying there white as a sheet. I thought that I’d killed him.” Her voice trembles as she shares this moment in the documentary.
Even after waking up from that coma, Joel wasn’t done battling his demons. He admits he was “very selfish” and had thoughts of trying again, but this time “right.”
The second attempt was just as dangerous but different: Joel drank an entire bottle of lemon Pledge — a household cleaner.
Thankfully, Jon Small, despite their fractured friendship, rushed him to the hospital in time.
Joel reflects on that moment with gratitude: “Even though our friendship was blowing up, Jon saved my life.”
Jon also shares his perspective on why Joel was so deeply affected by their fallout: “He never really said anything to me, but I think the only practical answer to why Billy took it so hard was because he loved me that much. It killed him to hurt me so much. Eventually, I forgave him.”
Finding Light in the Darkness: Music as Salvation
After these two suicide attempts, Joel was a “lost soul,” as he calls it. He checked himself into an observation ward for mental health — a turning point in his life.
Joel describes that experience as life-changing. “I got out of the observation ward and I thought to myself, you can utilize all those emotions to channel that stuff into music.”
That mindset — taking pain and transforming it into art — would become a defining trait of Joel’s career.
From that point forward, the music wasn’t just about making hits or climbing charts; it was about survival, self-expression, and healing.
Joel’s story is a powerful reminder of how creativity can be a lifeline when life feels unbearable.
Love Triangles and Redemption: The Unlikely Marriage
Years after the painful breakup and the fallout from his affair, Joel and Elizabeth Weber rekindled their relationship. They married in 1973, several years after the chaos of their early 20s.
Their marriage lasted nearly a decade, ending in 1982. But it’s a testament to the complicated, messy nature of love — and how people grow and change over time.
The documentary doesn’t shy away from these complexities, painting a portrait of a man who made mistakes but kept moving forward.
Why This Documentary Matters: Raw, Honest, and Unfiltered
Billy Joel: And So It Goes isn’t just a look at a music legend’s career highlights. It’s a deep dive into his emotional struggles and personal demons that many fans never knew existed.
Opening up about suicide attempts, fractured friendships, and his darkest hours, Joel shows a level of vulnerability that makes him even more relatable and human.
The documentary premieres on HBO this July, offering an intimate glimpse into the man behind the music.
Key Takeaways from Billy Joel’s Story
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Mental health struggles can affect anyone, even legends. Joel’s openness about his depression and suicide attempts helps break stigma.
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Pain can fuel creativity. Joel channeled his darkest moments into iconic songs that resonated with millions.
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Friendships can survive even the toughest tests. Despite the fallout with Jon Small, forgiveness and healing were possible.
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Love is complicated. Joel’s affair and eventual marriage to Elizabeth show the messy realities behind relationships.
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Recovery is possible. Joel’s journey from despair to music legend is a testament to resilience.
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